Feeling guilty…

Our @HomeCrazzyHome is a mess. I have not written in three days. There is laundry to be done. Quilts to be made. And most especially planning for 2020 to be completed.

So why haven’t I gotten more done?

Sleep. More accurately, lack thereof. PanKwake is on a sleep during the day and up all night schedule. Which is always challenging for me. It has gotten so much easier over the years as she grows, matures, and becomes more independent. But still, she wakes me between two and four times for food. Like I said this is much better than the half a dozen or more times when she was younger. She is definitely more aware of my needs and tries to balance those with her own.

The trouble came the other night, not from PanKwake, but from young people who parked on the street outside of our house and played loud music. On Christmas. They are of another culture, one which is much more restrictive. I get needing to escape from such societal expectations, truly I do. But why would you come to someone else’s neighborhood to do things that you know your parents do not approve of?

I went out and yelled at them. Not something that my British neighbors would ever do. But it worked, they moved on. The problem was that now adrenaline was pumping through my body. I could not get back to sleep. It was after midnight before I did.

I got up at my normal 5 a.m. But then after doing some re-working on old and new blogs I went back to bed around 10 and slept until 2 p.m. Nothing else got done…except a load of dishes. I was a walking zombie.

I forced myself to stay awake until 7 p.m. PanKwake was asleep still. I could get a few hours of sleep before she woke up. I laid there for five hours. Not able to fully get to sleep, but too tired to do anything else. I felt like an alien had snatched my body and was trying to burst through my skin. PanKwake woke up before I could get to sleep.

And this time I slept way past my normal #5amwritersclub.

So, now I am behind. Behind to finishing Ægir’s Wife. Behind on cleaning the house. And behind on planning. With only four more days to go until the New Year.

In case you have not guessed, my brain is too fried to write coherently too.

Just checking in with ya’ll…off to try more planning…and if that does not work then surely I can get some cleaning and laundry done. Right? Please, sweet goddess, please.

Hopefully, by Monday, I will have my shit together enough to make some of the big announcements I planned.

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