Confession time…this is one of my pet peeves. Yes, I am a writer. Yes, most of my stuff could fall within the category of romance or erotic/romance. Yes, I have written Navy SEALs, Harley Davidsons and if I have not yet I am about to write millionaires too. BUT those things do not make a man a bad boy, his attitude does.
That WALL of silence that you can never fully penetrate…even if you do catch him.
That WALL that prevents him from ever truly committing…from feeling with his whole heart.
That WALL is the difference between a bad boy and a good man…no matter what his job, what he drives, what he wears or what sports he plays.
And here, ladies, is THE biggest secret out there…
YOU CAN’T CHANGE HIM!
And certainly not in the space of a couple hundred pages of a book.
I admit it…at times I feel that those silly fairy tales we read to little girls and the romances in my genre only perpetuate those myths. This bad boy, who likely never learned to bond as a child, meets this perfect woman and in a matter of days, weeks or a couple of months goes from this total egocentric jackass to Mr. Sweet & Sensitive. That is what we grow up thinking…that WE can and perhaps even have the responsibility to transform them.
But it don’t work that way. Human being don’t…men or women. We have to want to change…for ourselves. And honestly, few really do…because change is scary. As the Mom of an autistic child that is the reality that I deal with all the time…but autism is no different than the rest of us…just magnified.
Conversely, women tend to ignore or ‘friend zone’ the very men that they say they want. I might not be Christian but I just had to share this one.
Yes, even good men have problems and issues…the difference is that he is not afraid of the one thing you say you want…
COMMITMENT!
He deals with his shit…and even while he does that, he is still thinking of how it effects you and your relationship. And when he has the answer…he is back as committed or even more so than you are.
So answer me this (and no Darwinian bullshit about survival of the fittest..because who really is more ‘fit’ for the role of husband and father?)…
Why do otherwise intelligent and strong women keep pining for and sometimes even choosing…egocentric, commitment-shy losers?
And yes for the record…MOST…of my heroes are ‘Good Men’ no matter their appearance, career, mode of transportation or problems/issues. They know what they want and they are the ones that pursue it…or just take it for my Ægir’s fans (in fact, when I got to thinking about it…Sven was one of the few ‘bad boyz’ in my books).
So the next time you start to moan to your friends or ‘god’/goddess/Fate/whatever about not being able to find a ‘Good Man’, take a long look around you…I bet you know several…at least one of whom the truly smart women ain’t snapped up yet.
Or worst case…even if you don’t…do the hard work on yourself so that when one does just miraculously appear in your life, you will be smart enough to recognize him and snap his ass up QUICK…like I did.
Oh…and thank PanKwake for this tirade. She got it all started with this music video…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NONLMR7dbM
Tara Cox - Literary Erotica 