We have all done it…felt it…thought it. There is not a mother alive (or dead) that at one point or another has not had one of those moments. You are at the store, the doctors, an amusement park…or just your friend’s house. You hear screams or things banging and you tense up. You look…it is automatic, even if your child is not with you. And your first thought is…
Thank you, god(dess)! It isn’t mine this time.
That happened to me this weekend…twice. Once on each side of the aisle.
Saturday we went to some friends of Cookie for a barbeque. They too have an autistic daughter just a bit younger than PanKwake. I was just plan old lucky…PanKwake with the exception of when she misplaced her camera was on her best behavior (which is admittedly still a bit manic). But because so many people were invading her home, our friend’s little girl was on edge, high-alert and anxiety riddled most of the evening. A couple of times I admit I thanked my goddess for PanKwake’s relative calm.
Of course, Sunday it was my turn. The rabbit pie I had tried was just too large for two people so Cookie invited friends over to share the largess. Only one could join us…another mother of two autistic sons. But after a whole night of being her best, PanKwake had mischief to get out. A full blown meltdown…though not her worst. In the end, Cookie and our friend ate Sunday dinner together while I managed her. Sweetheart that he is, Cookie put mine in the oven to warm.
Like I said, ALL mothers feel this way sometimes. But for us special needs ones, it is an even stronger bond with these women. Though we had just met…we were sisters. Shieldmaidens toughened by battle, covered in the blood of war and always prepared for more.
So that feeling is not bad or judgmental. It is simply a badge of motherhood. Like some silent symbol of the sorority to which we now belong. A commonality. A bond of sorts.
It is empathy…truly knowing how it feels. And that is a glorious thing…
Thank you, my sisters…
Tara Cox - Literary Erotica 