Twice this week I have been confronted with people who have wanted absolution or to slough blame off on the other person. At the same time, I am struggling with my own insecurities. You see sometimes getting everything you ever dreamt of…is the scariest thing of all. Because then…
And that can require a whole new set of skills.
But, folks, that is life. Fucking up. Being fucked over. Facing your biggest fears, insecurities, hopes and dreams square in the face and finding the courage to shout into the fucking face of Fate…”Go ahead! Bring it. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be and if I ain’t then I’ll pull out my big girl panties and grow into them.”
Back again to those days as a preacher’s wife, I remember a sermon once about why Christians had troubles. The pastor went back to the same old testing your faith shit (Why was it never so you can learn and grow the fuck up?). He said that you never really knew what was inside the tube of toothpaste until you squeezed it.
The truth is…the difference between men and boys…women and girls…is how we handle those moments.
Do we look to blame someone else?
Yes, I know there are always two sides to every story. Rarely is anything completely another person’s fault. There may be plenty of 90/10s, but even then it is important that you own your 10% of the shit. That is the only way you will learn and do better is by facing your culpability in every situation.
Do you look to minimize it?
But accepting your proportion of the blame is not enough either. Do you own it? Do you accept FULL responsibility? Or do you try to slough it off? ‘They’re just over-reacting.’ ‘What I did was not THAT bad?’ ‘I apologized so why can’t they just get over it?’ This one has its roots in physics…for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
So learn to fucking live with the repercussions of your actions…and man (woman) up. You hurt someone. A quick ‘I’m sorry’ sometimes ain’t fucking good enough! So dig deep, find a set and carry the FULL load of what you did. You also have to find some way of making it right and rebuilding trust. Or it ain’t never gonna work.
And sometimes ‘It isn’t you, it is me’ really is the truth.
Own that too. You ain’t gonna make it long in this world without a few scars and demons. We all have them. Some more than others. Insecurities abound. Thing is…are you going to let your past control your future? Or are you going to grow the fuck up and move on?
Own that shit too. Just because you have been hurt in the past does not give you the right to assume everyone is going to. It is not right or fair to someone new to see them through those old hurts.
Okay another of those confession times. A couple of months ago, I purchased Rori Raye’s How to Have the Relationship You Want ebook. I am still on her email list. And a couple of days ago, this one hit me right between the eyes…a clean kill shot in Navy SEAL terms.
What if we start out with a shocking idea – what if, instead of “building” trust – we try “Assuming Trust.”
Now, I know that “assuming” things is supposed to be a bad thing. It’s supposed to get you into all kinds of trouble. Bet let’s look at it this way:
If you decide to trust that you are loved – to trust that a man loves you… what would that get you?
If you absolutely trusted that a man loved you, wouldn’t you feel completely free? Free to be yourself, free to say and do anything you wanted… free to LOVE him?
And… is there ANY way this can be a bad thing?
I readily admit that was deep. ASSUMING TRUST? I am still processing that one…but count on a Sensual Saturday blog on it too. Once I learn to walk the walk that is.
But the point is…GROWTH…CHANGE…CHOICES…they are all yours. If you have the courage to take them. And OWN YOUR SHIT, people.