Freaky Friday: Denial

It ain’t just a river in Egypt, folks.

Whether it is my Constitutional right to free speech…

Or a Krispy Kreme chocolate delight donut because I am on a diet…

But most especially my Happy O’s…

Denial is not one of my favorite things!

Why then would you give a Dom the power of orgasm control/denial?

Oh such a good question! The answer is…I don’t often. But the thing is as much as I love my Happy O’s…I need control even more.

Of course, as I said, I have gotten much more wise about how much control and to whom I give it…but in the right hands/mind, it is one of the most powerful reminders of the nature of Domination/submission that there is. Besides breath play, to give over completely to another human being this most intimate biological act…is humbling…bonding…fun…and frustrating.

So what is it REALly like?

I make no bones about the fact I masturbate…A LOT. I worship the goddess of love and sex so for me it is commune and prayer on a spiritual level. On an emotional level it is stress relief. On a physical level it is my sleeping pill. That is an awful lot to turn over to another person.

Secret: I am playing next week with the sea captain that is the inspiration for Ægir’s trilogies. Yes, I know…I don’t ‘play’ or do casual, but he is the exception to my rule. As I kid him…he’s already taken his piece of my soul so what more harm can he do? Besides I know all of you are dying for more HOT Viking bondage/Domination stories. Oh, the sacrifices an author makes for her readers.

And this is one of his fav games leading up to a meet. Last time we met it was four whole days of total and complete denial. Of course, I was literally climbing the walls by the time I saw him. And yes, ladies, he always makes it worthwhile (come on…you’ve read the books and keep begging me for more, so why wouldn’t I?).

This time he is being much more compassionate. Granted the build up is longer…a whole week this time. But he is allowing me some. How many he says and when he says. Now any of you who have never been on a diet knows…when you can’t have something you want it even more.

Take yesterday…I had my orders and I knew that it was complete denial today. So I went to the all-you-can-eat buffet before my fasting. You would think after over a dozen of them, I could make it ONE day…one measly little day without a problem. Without complaining?

Nope, I did not make it fours hours. No, seriously, after getting in close to half a dozen including one really powerful one with my golden bullet right before the clock struck midnight and Cinderella’s magic carriage turned back into a pumpkin, I got up a couple hours later to check on my princess and the moment I got back into bed…you guessed it…I wanted a Happy O so damned bad. Like an addict jonesing for her drug. I literally tossed and turned trying to get to sleep. And nap time this afternoon…forget it…without my ‘sleeping pill’ there is no sleep.

By the time that tomorrow CUMS (sorry I just could not resist), I will be so wired for it. Problem is…I get one. ONLY ONE. So when do I use it? As soon as the clock strikes that magic witching hour? When I wake up to check on her and can’t get back to sleep? Save it for my afternoon nap? Or reward myself once I have completed my writing tomorrow? Complicated decision matrix that one.

I did say this time he was being generous. So each day I get one more. But do you see? Even on Wednesday when I am allowed five, there is a limit. The choice is not mine. So even as generous at that may seem, it means that I cannot even enjoy the largeese without thinking of Him.

Of course, then after such generosity it is back to famine leading up to our wild afternoon on his ship. (No idea how this man would have inspired THREE books that has all of you threatening me with bodily harm for your next chapter…none what-so-ever.)

And that is it…POWER…intimacy…control…every single thing that makes a Dom/sub dynamic tick. Oh yes, lest I forget the most important ones of all…consent and submission.

You see…I could cheat. How would He know? But that is it…as hard as it is…I won’t. Even last time when it was four whole, long, difficult, never-ending days, I did not. That is submission.

And as I said…as much as I want my Happy O’s…

I need His control even more. 

That is the heart and core of this dynamic. And that is worth the wait…