I was talking with a young sub friend the other day. She is in a bad place and struggling. To make matters worse, she and her partner had fought. My advice to her was…go give that man a ‘hand’ or a blowjob.
What? Are you crazy, woman? The poor girl is depressed and not feeling sexual and you expect her to give the man a f’ing blowjob? What misogynistic bull shit is that?
Hear me out, girls. Men are not as complex as we are. I love the saying…
Feed’em. Fuck’em! And shut the fuck up.
Do those three things…and keep a passably clean home…and 90% of all men will be ‘happy as Larry’ as my Brit friends would say.
But this ain’t no cooking lesson. This is strictly about the power of sex to make or break a relationship.
Go ahead disagree with me on that one. Yes, people fight over money, the kids, the in-laws, friends. BUT sex will stop almost any fight.
The problem is…we as women are the gate keepers of sex…short of rape. And we have learned to use it as a weapon against them. NEVER fucking do that. It is the surest way to destroy any man’s feelings for you.
Instead learn to use it as a tool for you both. Or as the Christian bible would say “They will beat their swords into plowshares.”
First of all, make sure that sex does not become an issue. Keep the tension low by being open and available to your partner. Banish the words ‘no, not tonight’ from your vocabulary. They are some of the most soul and relationship destroying ones out there.
When you say that, basically, you are rejecting this person you supposedly love. Yes, REJECTING. Quit being nicey-nice about it and tell-it-like-it-is. This person that you supposedly care about has come to you, opened themselves up to you, given you the power to hurt them…and you can’t be fucking bothered to give them ten to twenty minutes of your time? That is how long the average sex act lasts…10 to 20 minutes. And they aren’t worth that to you?
Then it is time to get the fuck out of Dodge, folks. Seriously, if things have become so ‘toxic’ that you cannot give that little bit to this person…why the fuck you staying with them? Kids? Money? Afraid of being alone? You aren’t being fair to them…yourself…or those kids.
Next, learn to read your partner. Watch for stress accumulating. And take the initiative. You reach out for him. It often does not even need to be more than a hand on his shoulder and a smile to say…I am here for you, if you need me. A hug and soft kiss. Other options are favorite meals, a beer, a back or foot rub. You don’t always need a corset and ropes to say ‘fuck me, I’m yours.’ Though those work too.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away is an old saying I learned as a child. But regular sex is just as effective at keeping the counselors and divorce lawyers at bay. This needs to become a habit. Giving him pussy, sucking his cock or a hand job once in a blue moon ain’t going to do anything except send mixed singles.
This is about a type of surrender that has NOTHING to do with BDSM, Domination or submission. This is about your choice to make your relationship stronger and your life happier by committing to put another person’s needs equal to or higher than your own…for 10 to 20 minutes a couple times a week, every other day, hell, even every day. Is that really too much to ask from someone you supposedly love?
Sex is communication!
Raw and primal. When we were still grunting in our caves, sex and touch came before words. And you know what? They still do. You can tell someone how much you love them all damned day long, but when he crawls into bed next to you and rubs his hard dick against your ass and you pull away, saying “Is that all you ever want?” Well, girls, your actions were just a wrecking ball to the relationship that you had tried to build with your words. And yes, it is YOUR FAULT.
Look at that word…communication. The root of it is COMMUNE. And when you open your legs, your mouth, your arms and especially your heart to this person that is what you do. You…the two of you…transcend this world…you literally become one flesh…and you give one another peace, safety and love. And that is your natural feminine power.
Your Super Power even. Use that power for good and not evil, girls.
And feminists before you go off half-cocked (pun fully intended)…this is a two-way street. Trust me…men can destroy us just as easily by withholding sex. I just wrote it from a feminine perspective because 1) I am a woman 2) I was speaking to another woman 3) women these days have this attitude about ‘my body’ and 4) when men try to ‘help’ us like this…you blame him for being insensitive.