Sensual Saturday: Sexual Healing

This is not just a kick ass song..it is the truth. Let me tell you about Pussy Cocaine…

My older daughter was…well, old enough that most of her friends were sexually active already. I forgot and left my cell phone home while I ran an errand. When I got home, she tossed my phone across the bed at me and shook her head, “It would not stop.” I had 17 missed calls and more than two dozen texts that got increasingly desperate. All from one of my then ‘fuck buddies.’ She looked at me…actually she looked right between my legs and asked, “What do you have in there? Pussy cocaine?” From then on even though I did not yet understand it, that was what it was called.

And just so you know…I weighed more then that I do now. I was a size 18/20. A single mother with four teens and a toddler. Hardly a sex goddess. But even then there was something different about sex with me than other women. And no, I am not bragging, because all women, yes I said ALL women, have that gift to give comfort and heal with what is between their legs.

Now it is time for a history/sociology lesson. Most ancient civilization and modern indigenous populations are polytheistic (meaning many gods). Among them is always a strong female goddess of life, love, fertility and often war/death (weird combo I know). Some of those cultures including ancient Greece and the Druids actually had priestesses, who would be considered ‘prostitutes’. Men and sometimes even women went to them to commune/prey/worship the goddess…through sex.

While to our knowledge no modern indigenous peoples have such practices, there is a sexual freedom/equality (i.e. women are not categorized as either Madonnas or whores for expressing their sexuality) that our ‘enlightened’ Western civilizations cannot even approach. What is more, there is a recognition that sex is about more than the mere physical…it is a spiritual experience.

Are you telling me that you think you can heal a man simply by fucking him?

Yes, yes, I am. Though it was another decade after that experience with my daughter before my goddess revealed herself fully, it was something that stuck with me. When she did begin to reveal herself, I finally understood why beauty, age and size have less to do with sex than things like openness, giving and hold on to your hats…submission.

If all of this sounds a bit hinky and New Age, that is why I have been skirting it for so long. I pride myself on being a woman of logic and science. Things like opening sacral chakras, healing with my vagina (though it is more with your mind and heart) and goddesses of love, life and fertility had no place in my world.

So I fought it…and honestly, a part of me still does. I joke that I am a reluctant New Age guru of sex and priestess of the goddess of love. I guess that means her work in me is not finished yet either, but this blog post is a first step in that I am sure. I admit that I do not fully understand it all either, but then the former preacher’s wife rears her head and reminds me that is why it is called faith. Men like Moses, Abram, and the prophets did not fully know their god either.

What I do know is that this world is out of balance. Those priestess, who helped others to connect with the divine through their pussies, were replaced by celibate priests, who pushed women almost completely out of religion (and no, I am not talking just Christianity).

We have been portrayed as whores, harlots, Jezabels. Or we have been de-sexualized into virgin mothers. We have been placed in thick coverings that have barely a slit for our eyes. Even ‘enlightened’ Eastern religions that boast chakras are led by celibate monks that hide away from the divinely feminine on mountain tops.

As a result, our world is driven by the masculine characteristics…greed, power and hubris. Not that male characteristics are negative. When properly balanced by the feminine, those characteristic are to provide, protect and cherish. Just as the female characteristics of nurturing, healing and giving life when not balanced leads to nagging, withholding sex and ‘I don’t need no man.’

The goddess is about restoring that balance. About a New Feminism that celebrates all it means to be FEMININE. Not about trying to best men, beat him at his own game and wearing ‘power suits.’ It is not about taking us back to another era. It is not just another religion, but a spiritual journey of self-discovery.

It is about CHOICE. About recognizing that there is both feminine and masculine in all beings. It is about learning who you were born to be, ACCEPTing that…and others. It is about becoming the REAL you. Her path is not easy or a quick fix. She is not the only path…there are others. She is not for all women (and she is for some men)…and that is fine too. Namaste and goddess speed on your path.

For my fiction readers, who are probably freaking out right now: no, I am not abandoning writing. If you think about it…her message has always been a part of all my stories. Kirsty saved Mikael and brought him back to his family after another women destroyed him (and don’t give up hope just yet on Sven…or even Bjorn, who has lost his way a bit). Jill restored Daniel’s manhood and brought him peace. And of course, Esther top among them all…though her work in Mike has just begun.

That couple is closest to my heart for a reason…they show the divine balance. The secret…sexual healing is a two way street, folks. Love can and does save…when self-help, psychologists and even drugs fail. And the masculine has just as much power to restore his mate as the feminine does hers. But that is not my message to bring. Mine is simply…

Hello, I am Tara, a priestess of the goddess of love. I celebrate the divinely feminine that lives inside all of us. The power to nurture, to heal and to give life. This is my journey in sexual healing.