As with Mommy Monday, there are some changes to REAL Woman Wednesday. I have been hassling my friend and readers…and I am running out of people to strong arm. But I believe that learning to accept our bodies as beautiful is important. I will not do away with this important day…but I need to change it a bit.
So the theme will remain positive body image but how that is expressed will vary. Sometimes it will be photographs of plus size models. Sometimes it will be clinks to positive articles. Sometimes (like today) it will be personal stories of facing this issue. And hopefully, if some of you volunteer it will still occasionally feature REAL live women baring their bodies and souls to encourage their sisters.
This is another of those highly personal stories that seems too intimate to share…but that I know others need to hear. So I just need to jump in here before I chicken out.
I have been open about the fact that I am poly with two amazing men, Captain America and Thor, and now another beautiful woman. What I am not sure I have been so clear about is that like Kirsty and her guys began…this is long distance and mostly cyber. We are scattered across the globe and stay in touch thanks to technology. Captain and I have met face-to-face and soon we both will with our other female member of the tribe. But Thor remains virtual. (Judge it if you want…but bodies do not need to touch for souls to.)
In fact, until the other day Thor and I had only spoken online a couple of times because of REAL life issues. But He is travelling for the next month so I wanted to give Him a special going away present. So we cammed…for the first time. Now I cam with Captain and even the other girl (damn it Captain you were supposed to come up with her super hero name). But when I say cam…it is fully clothed, ‘hey, how are you’ calls.
Not so this time with Thor. It was one of THOSE cyber sex things. Basically for an hour I was His personal sex cam slave doing whatever He said. Something I have NEVER done. And something that touched on every single insecurity I have about my body. Thankfully, He allowed me to keep on one of my sexy nighties, but I was still way more exposed than I had been even with Captain when it was ‘real’ sex.
The only things that kept me from totally freaking out and ‘accidentally’ turning off the cam were the look on His face, that my older daughter calls the Mister Darcy look, and the way He kept whispering, ‘so fucking gorgeous, pet.’ It was like a mantra or prayer the way He said it.
Later, in the safety of mere words on the screen, I told Him that the way He said it almost made me believe it. Dom that He is, His response was priceless. ‘You think I am lying, pet? Think twice before you answer that one.’ I explained that I was not saying He was lying. That I believed He meant it.
What I was saying was that the way He said it, I almost believed it in my own head and heart.
That was a precious gift. It reminds me of His words in the first message where He revealed that His feelings for me went deeper than just friendship…
The way I see it you need a strong stable Dom with a golden heart and lots of patience;-) someone that can build your self esteem back up because you keep selling yourself short.
And that was just what He did.
Maybe we should not need to hear it from other people, especially those we love most, but the truth is that we usually got this way from the hurtful words of others…like a thousand shallow wounds from a switch blade, none of them alone can mortally wound us. But together they drain us of our life force…and produce a slow, painful death.
So maybe we all do need someone to believe in us, to tell us we are beautiful…even when we do not feel it? Especially when we do not feel it.
Thank you, my beloved Thor, for being that someone in my life. Jeg elsker deg.