So after three days of building up, dreaming then coming crashing back to earth only to look around and see where we really are and how far we have to go, it is finally time to get down to the business of goal setting.
But before we do…you know the All REAL Tara Neale…nothing is ever ‘normal’ with me. Why should goal setting be any different? So today we are going to dissect everything you have always been taught about how to set goals.
Let’s begin with the most commonly accepted myth about goals…that they should be SMART…
- S – Specific
- M – Measurable
- A – Attainable
- R – Relevant
- T – Time bound
BULL SHIT! Bull shit…bull shit. Oh, don’t get me wrong…that will work. IF you don’t want a life, don’t want to really live…just work and achieve…usually things that other people want for you or from you or you think you want. If you insist on being a Type A-personality…STOP READING THIS NOW! Good luck, goddess bless…and come back when you achieve all that and STILL AIN’T HAPPY.
Oh trust me, I did it that way for years… Two things I learned. Either you will 1) drive yourself to the point of exhaustion, forgetting that people are what matters not things, money or goals or 2) like those New Year’s resolution, you will get discouraged and simply give up if things aren’t moving fast enough.
Plus…no matter how much you set those goals…how fucking hard you work…there is still this little thing called Fate…and he is a REAL bastard sometimes. You cannot create those lucky breaks…but you also do NOT want to have one come along and you not be ready for it.
From a writer’s perspective…there is no point in getting all kinds of press about a book that is sitting on a hard drive somewhere…collecting cyber dust. You need books out there for readers to discover…when your lucky break…your ‘instant’ success comes along. You need a bio, perhaps a blog, a newsletter…ways of communicating with your readers. That would be as bad or worse than never getting your big break.
From a more personal one…when it comes to relationships, be those love or family or friends. With other people…you cannot ever make decisions/choices/set goals for them. All you can do is be open to whatever Fate and the goddess has in store…and simply trust you heart to them…even when it breaks…especially then.
So this year…I am taking a decidedly different approach to goal setting. I am looking at them globally…what are those big things that I need to do to be in a good position WHEN Fate does finally smile on me? Then I will break those down into specific actions that are about outcomes and not MEASURABLE sales or the such.
I use this analogy…SMART is like using that irritating GPS system. You type in your destination and it maps out the fastest route from where you are to where you want to go. And it constantly then recalibrates and tries to force you back to its route. Its plan. Its agenda. Hell, one day the crazy inventors are going to invent a way for it to just drive you there…you become the passive victim of your own desires.
This is an old fashioned map that you consult to plan your route yes, but it also has the flexibility for detours…for taking the scenic route. For making it as much about the trip as the destination. For self-discovery of all those tiny towns and beautiful views along the way.
Will you get lost sometimes? Oh yes, but that is the fun part. You will simply consult your map and find an alternative route…another way to get there…in the end.
Maybe you will even discover that there are places along the way that you want to stop and visit for a while. You may even decide that you want to stay there…that the destination you had in mind just isn’t what you want after all.
And that too is all right. Because life is not the end goal…death is. No one is getting out of here alive. So you need to appreciate the trip. Every fucking step…every mile…every relationship…every success…and even every failure.
So have faith that in the end. If you keep your eyes on those true goals, like being REAL and accepting yourself and others, then in the end you will end up right where you should be. Fate and the goddess will see to that. If you give them the materials to work with…
So tomorrow…I am taking a small break from this intense blog and sharing with you my Christmas wish. But when we come back to this subject on Boxing Day we will begin to apply that strategy to crafting goals that will get us from where we are to where we want to be…and still allow us to live our lives and put people first.
Tara Cox - Literary Erotica 