Sensual Saturday…What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Every Thanksgiving, I always pause between the main course and pumpkin/pecan pie and ask my guests, ‘What are you thankful for?’ I did that again this year, but I added a second question too. Blame Thor, but more about that later. This year I also asked, ‘What is love?’ That’s right, the romance writer wants to know what is love.

The answers were as varied as my guests of course, but I got some really good ones. Love is…

  • Being accepted.
  • Feeling safe.
  • Belonging.
  • Looking in their eyes and feeling at home.
  • Comfort.

My daughter-in-law had a good one though. From Brandon Sanderson’s Firefight:

“You’re like a potato!” I shouted after her. “In a minefield.”

She froze in place. Then she spun on me, her face lit by a half-grown fruit. “A potato,” she said flatly. “That’s the best you can do? Seriously?”

“It makes sense,” I said. “Listen. You’re strolling through a minefield, worried about getting blown up. And then you step on something, and you think, ‘I’m dead.’ But it’s just a potato. And you’re so relieved to find something so wonderful when you expected something so awful. That’s what you are. To me.”

My son, Mr. Stability, had actually purchased an autographed copy of the book for her, since Sanderson is among her favorite authors. Not just signed, but it actually says…To Gretta, You are a potato in a minefield. Brandon.

Damn, sometimes my son can do so good. I actually kind of like the potato one. In some ways, I think that is close to how I feel about Captain America and Thor. I spent almost thirty-five years looking for ‘true’ love. Two marriages, a couple of long term relationships and a couple of Doms until I just gave up. Then not one but two perfect men find me!?!

Back to the beginning though. How did all of this get started? Thor and I were discussing love. He said that he was not sure He had ever actually been in love. Sure, he had those brain chemical attractions that lasted anywhere from five minutes to a year. But if that was love… He was disappointed.

When He gave me His definition of love though, I shook my head. Love was not being to live without someone. And all I could think was…then I hope you never love me either.

This is not the first time I have tackled this topic on Sensual Saturday. Two months ago, I wrote this piece. That friend, Leo, was there and answered too. His answer was very close to Thor’s…’needing to be together.’ And years later, he still needs a dead woman.

11227888_1013308788726266_1746212417406037491_oWhat is love, you ask me? I don’t know. I have used this before…Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart’s famous quote on pornography, “I know it when I see it.” Honestly, that may sound strange coming from a romance writer. But romance and erotica follow a formula that ends the whole book where it really should begin.

My trip back home to see Captain America for the first time face-to-face after almost three years as friends and months as much more online/phone would have been a classic romance novel ending. When he raised my hand to His lips and kissed the back of it telling me how much I meant to Him, that would have been the perfect ending for one of my books. But the REAL truth is that is just the beginning of our story. The moment where our journey in love starts…not ends.

And here is another thought to challenge you, maybe it is not love that really makes for strong relationships. Maybe we should spend less time worried about it than respect and trust. Just like our friendships trumps the D/s. I think too that the trust and respect that I share with Them is more important than if Thor ever ‘loves’ me. Yeah, His trust, respect and friendship is MORE than enough for this REAL Woman.

What is love…to you?

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