This one is always a challenge for me to talk about…because it is the most intense, powerful and awesome connection that two or more people can share BUT it is also one of the most dangerous. What is it, you ask? Orgasm Control & Conditioning. Let’s shorten that to OCC or I will get writer’s cramp. I use OCC in the Ægir’s trilogies. From the beginning, Bjørn begins to train Kirsty to command to the words…’my sweet Freya.’
So what is OCC and how does it work? First of all, OCC is not really one but two connected ideas…control and conditioning. Yes, you can have one without the other. And I have. So let’s look at each separately…
Control is exactly what it says…someone else has control/power over your Happy O’s. You must ask permission before you come. He can delay them…sometimes called edging you. He can ever deny you…for hours, days…or longer. You have given that power to another. Stop! Think about that for a very long moment. This most natural body experience is no longer yours to control. Talk about INTENSE!
Still not getting it? Imagine this…you wake in the middle of night to go to the bathroom. You come back to bed, but can’t get back to sleep. You know that masturbating always puts you to sleep. BUT wait! You don’t have permission from Master. And if He is not your husband and laying in bed next to you…are you going to be able to wake Him in the middle of the night to ask? You get me now?
What the fuck? Why would you do that shit? Because it is about trust and power exchange. It is the most intimate way of saying those things. The connection between Master and sub is powerful…intense…beyond all words…
BUT this one is particular is DANGEROUS. The problem is what happens if something goes wrong with that relationship? I know from personal experience…I went from one of the most orgasmic people I know to not being able to come at all for over a month. I had to fight like hell to reclaim my Happy O’s…and that is hard when you are fighting your own mind. I run an online support group…at that site…for women like me…and the stories made me cry. One woman had not orgasmed in over twenty years…because she did not have permission. DO NOT GIVE THIS POWER LIGHTLY!!!
Conditioning is a type of mind control based upon the work of Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov…with dogs. He used bells to train them. At first he would ring the bell at the same time he fed them. Eventually he would ring the bell before he fed them, not only would they come running…a conscious decision but they would salivate…an involuntary response. Even once he stopped feeding them after the bell, they would still salivate. They could NOT stop their body’s classically conditioning response to the bell…even if they knew there would be no food.
In Ægir’s Captive, I outline the basic conditioning process through Bjørn and Kirsty. From the first time they are together he tells her to let him know when she is close to coming. Then he whispers her trigger words as she comes. Through the constant repetition of that process, her mind SUBconsciously begins to associate those words with orgasm. Then just saying those words will arouse you…and eventually the association will be so strong that you can orgasm from hearing those words alone.
Of course, it is pretty clear why both Dom and sub like this one. What can be more fulfilling for a Dom than holding so much power over your sub that she can come just from your words? And for the sub…the motivation is simple…Happy O’s. Not just more of them but a different kind…a different feeling and intensity too.
WARNING: Power corrupts! Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Your Happy O’s become His toy. Which can be fun for you both. But anyone, who has watched Toy Story, knows the danger here…when that toy is no longer new and shiny. Make sure He understands and ACCEPTS the responsibility that goes with this power. Realize too you can’t just turn it off. I have heard of one woman, whose Dom had used a trigger that was so common she could be triggered accidentally by strangers even. This is extreme…for me TRUST and connection are required, not just anyone could trigger me. I have also heard from another woman, whose ex-husband and former Dom called even when she was at work and triggered her…just to show her that she could never be free of him. Again…tread lightly. Make sure this is a REAL Man and not a boy before you give this power to him.
Okay…so we have looked at what and how. We have even touched on why, but I think an illustration on that one might help. This weekend has been busy and stressful. What always shocks people is that as loud, open and outgoing as I am in fact I am intensely introverted. All of that is an act that I have perfected over time…primarily for professional reasons. But it always costs me, i.e. is highly stressful. So imagine…Halloween party on Friday, Trick-or-Treating Saturday and another party Sunday. That would be stressful for most parents..but for one with an autistic child, who melts down when she gets overstimulated?!?
As I said yesterday, submission is about stress relief and my Prozac and OCC is a quick and dirty way of doing that when a long and intense scene with pain is not an option. Now my Master is a long distance relationship…and yes, this shit can work that way…even text. So here I spent all morning cooking and cleaning. Then I had two Moms and 3 other kids in our home…for almost 5 hours. Yes, I like talking to friends, yes, I like these people. BUT it is still stressful…especially when I am trying to balance PanKwake’s needs to be social with her sensory overload issues, so I am watching for any sign she is approaching overload/meltdown. After a busy weekend, not the best way to spend Sunday for an introvert? But I will do anything for my child.
So walking around with my phone in my pocket and having Master trigger me occasionally was like someone who is allergic to bees using an Epi-pen after being stung. It was like a life preserver to hold onto until the seas were calmer. Like I said…submission, especially of something this intense, is the difference between surviving and thriving. I was able to keep calm, be there for PanKwake, manage the situation…and clean up most of the mess before bed. That is thriving…and I owe it to Him and His caring control of me.
And for Him? The power trip of being able to control something so intensely personal from a thousand miles away? That power, which I entrusted in my best friend over time, is His reward for that caring control. That is how it played out with us too. We were JUST friends for months…I did not think it was even possible we could be more. Then things shifted. We had actually met when He had responded to my writing on OCC at that site. So we both knew that it was a type of play we both craved. And like I said…the conditioning was semi-automatic.
That should be ANOTHER WARNING: ONCE YOU ARE CONDITIONED YOU CAN NEVER BE COMPLETELY DE-CONDITIONED. Yes, you may be able to turn the volume on it down to the point you do not even hear the music, but it is still playing in the background. And like those strong drugs of crack cocaine and heroine that I compared OCC to, you will always crave it. All relationships, even D/s, will seem incomplete without it…lacking in connection, intensity and passion.
So almost from the beginning He could trigger me (conditioning). Once the initial conditioning was accomplished by my first Dom, it is just a tiny matter of being conditioned to His preferences. His triggers. His wants and needs. And we continue to explore the depths of OCC and its limits…based upon TRUST, CARING and friendship first, last and always.
But the control portion, which I feel is more dangerous and the source of losing my Happy O’s, came over time. Even then…I kept a backdoor into my mind for a long time. I gave Him control of my orgasms and toys…except for my fingers on my clitoris. He had six of those seven types of female orgasms completely (check out my May archive for the series…7 Types of Female Orgasms). He even had my bullet on my clit. But not my fingers.
Then a week or so ago, we were talking about something…and I realized just how seriously this man took His responsibility as my Master…He proved again to me why He is my best friend, why He is Master rather than merely Dom and why He owns my Happy O’s. Honestly, He is the only man, who ever has, since the Dom who trained me began the process without my consent (and if you are not familiar with D/s that is a big No-No). Master has truly informed consent as I know exactly what the stakes are this time…and yes, I trust Him that much…even to the point of handing Him the key to that backdoor too in that moment.
Because I knew how very much He craves TOTAL control. And yesterday, He yet again proved Himself. You see…like I said conditioned responses are automatic. Stopping them is next to impossible. Perhaps for a strong mind like mine I could…but it would be painful and perhaps as dangerous for me to break the bond as if He did. Like I said this man is as intelligent, curious and fascinated with exploring the depths of this as I am…now that I have someone I trust THIS much. He consider for a moment…ordering me to fight the conditioning…but then He decided He would not want to hurt me…well, not like that any way…good pain is another blog.
Final word on OCC…it is the most intense connection that two or more people can share, but it is the worst nightmare you will ever have to face alone. So be DAMNED sure that you KNOW and TRUST this person before you go down this scenic route of D/s.
Tara Cox - Literary Erotica 