Thoughtful Thursday….

Today we explore the very nature of submission itself and get inside the mind of a sub.

Myth #1 – Subs are weak.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Submissives are the STRONGEST bitches out there. If I had a dollar/pound for every time a friend, professional or even stranger told me how strong/amazing/great/etc. I am, then PanKwake and I could take our dream vacation, buy that used RV and travel America.

Seriously, I get up early to write, even though I am not making loads of money at it yet. I treat it like my career…a full time one. But I have another full-time job too…Mom to PanKwake, the most intelligent, beautiful and intense little woman with Asperger’s/high functioning autism. I MUST constantly be on my game with her. I must have all her things organized, ordered just right and remain calm…even when she meltsdown. In an intolerant world, just leaving our house is highly stressful.

So hell yeah, when I have someone in my life, whom I trust, it is a relief, stress buster and better than fucking Prozac to cede control to Him. Whether it be challenges like wearing butt plugs, which right in the middle of her worst meltdowns, when everyone around us is staring, thinking she is nothing more than a spoiled brat and I am a bad mother, feeling His plug reminds me I am more than just this moment. I am a person, a woman and yes, a sub. And with all the f’ing decisions I MUST make for her every single day, do I really give a shit what color my hair is? Isn’t it easier to let Him make those decisions? Delegate the responsibility so that I can focus upon what is important…PanKwake and writing.

Truth: Subs are the STRONGEST bitches out there!

Myth: Subs can’t survive without submission, a Dom.

Oh hell yeah, I can and have for close to 99% of my life. I have weathered storms that would break most people…two marriages, single parenthood, dealt with diva celebrities, managed $6 million charity campaigns, lost a baby, suffered depression and anxiety, survived panic attacks. All without a Dom. Because like I said us subs are strong ass bitches. We do what we have to, when we have to, without complaining, because we have to. Then we fall apart when it is over. Yes, I can survive without submission.

BUT submission is the difference between merely surviving and thriving. When there is someone in whom I can entrust my submission, all of those tough moments become more bearable like I said. That then frees my mind, expands me…to be all I can be. I can get more done…more calmly and organized. I smile more. I laugh more. I love more. Because I am more. I am in that moment…in my submission…I am ME. I am who I was created to be. My nature is fully expressed. I am happier.

Truth: Submission is the difference between surviving and THRIVING!

Myth: Subs have no power.

Bull shit! We have just as much power as any Dom. It is just that by entrusting/ceding it to Him I find that completion I talked about. But my power is still there. It is still MY power. Like putting your money in a bank, it still belongs to you. If He betrays the trust I have placed in Him, I can always withdraw my submission and reclaim my power. And I have…twice.

But never do I feel more powerful than kneeling at the feet of a Dom I love (there are many forms of love…but for me I must have an emotional investment in the man before I can offer my submission). To look up and see that light in His eyes, that look, and know that my submission gave Him that.

No, Domination and submission are symbiosis, mutualism where both species benefit from the interaction. In myth terms, it is not merely linear but exponential growth. When it works right, it is EMPOWERING to both Dom and sub.

Truth: Subs find their true power on their knees.

Of course, all that I have written is summed up in those words…when it works right. And just like vanilla relationships, Dom/sub ones can be dysfunctional too. When it is a matter of taking and not giving, when their is imbalance, then the process can become toxic and abusive. But when there is trust and caring, submission is the most empowering, freeing and beautiful thing. For a sub, there is no more perfect way to see the world than from on her knees at His feet.