On Thoughtful Thursday I mentioned that a while back I had a Dom with health issues…actually fully disabled and wheel chair bound. So it seemed now was the right time to pull out this meem that made my kinky Facebook a while back.
So today on Serious Sunday we take on SEX and the Challenged (I hate the term Disabled). So I thought I would share with you an old blog that I wrote over a year ago when I was with him. As I said…he taught me that my submission was a special gift of healing all on its own…
Yesterday was an odd day. I saw a couple of vanilla friends that I had not seen in a while. Of course, they wanted to know all about Him. When they found out about the MS and wheel chair though, I was a bit surprised that both of them were quite openly curious about our sex life. Mind you, I am extremely open with my vanilla friends; the only people in my life, who are not aware of my little perversions, are professionals. So fair enough, they know my rule…’don’t ask if you aren’t ready for an earful of truth.’
What surprised me though is that it was my vanilla friends that asked; not once have any of our kinky friends enquired. Add to that the fact that I have been following a couple of friends’ feeds on posts about sex, intimacy and foreplay and especially in light of the fact that another vanilla was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He and I had a long talk about that because my friend is risking his life trying to save his ‘dignity.’ With His permission, I thought I would share some of the truth that I did with my ‘nillas yesterday. The answer though is more complex than simply ‘can you fuck?’. It cuts to the core of what relationships are all about, good ones anyway.
I began to wonder, ‘why my ‘nillas?’. Why would they boldly go where our kinkies have not? Then it dawned on me: sex to them is ten to twenty minutes of fucking once a week. It has become so routine: a couple of kisses, perhaps a lick or two to get the equipment fully ready, a few minutes of horizontal push-ups, then roll over, fart and go to sleep. To them, that is all there is. And given that they know how much I love sex, they assume that my need is for ‘fucking’ too. But ‘fucking,’ defined as cock inside of cunt, is only one small part of a healthy sex life and relationship. It ignores two very crucial components: intimacy and sex.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines intimacy as ‘close familiarity or friendship.’ Wow, how enlightening! You mean couples should actually be friends and get to know one another? I would go a bit further for the sake of this conversation and say that intimacy is time spent touching: cuddling, kissing, caressing, and yes, talking, laughing and just enjoying being together. Honestly, of our time physically together, close to 90% or more would be considered intimate. Unless I am cooking or we are going somewhere with friends, we are in one another’s arms, even when we watch television or sleep (especially when we sleep). If I am honest, even when we go out or are with friends, there is this need to just touch Him that has me constantly holding hands, kissing or caressing Him. Yes, that does raise a few eyebrows on the bus. I suppose those vanillas are wondering the same thing that my friends had the guts to ask.
Then there is sex. I think the OED does not do this one quite the justice it deserves; ‘sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.’ But at least it recognizes that there is more to sex than just intercourse. He was involved in a thread recently about foreplay and commented that sometimes that was so intense that was all that was needed. But for me, sex is any act that results in a Happy O: masturbation, oral, or penetration. But that is just the tip of this girl’s iceberg. As I have said, I am so multi-orgasmic that an idiot can make me come and more than a couple have. But because of the intimate bond of TPE (Total/true Power Exchange) that we share, it is a whole new level with Him. We have discovered that not only does He have a trigger word that has absolutely NOTHING to do with Pavlovian conditioning, but certain sounds can get me off too. After a hard play session, even His smell will send me over the edge time and time again; that makes aftercare a real bitch as all we can do is wait for my body and mind to come down from Nirvana. That to me is a hell of a lot more than just foreplay. That is sex. And if you want percentages on that one, close to 50% of our time together. And with the triggers, He can give me that gift on the phone or text too.
Then, you have fucking or intercourse. Yes, we do that too. Amazingly well, thank you. I gleefully shocked one of the vanillas, who is closer to my ex-husband than me, when I said, “I get a lot more sex with Him than I ever did when I was married.” It though is a much smaller percentage, only a couple of percent or so. But that too is more than all right, because of the intensity of our connection anything more might be seriously over load. One of the poems that I wrote for Literotica was ‘We just fit…perfectly.’ And we do. But as I have told Him on more than one occasion, I need intimacy with Him. With or without the fucking, it does not matter.
That is why I spent so much time shaking my head at my vanilla friends yesterday. I actually feel sorry for them, for all that they are missing out on. Sex is so much more than a couple of kisses, a five or ten minute fuck, roll over and fart. One of the most breath-taking revelations about Him and our TPE was the time that I went to His for a couple of hours. I just closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against His. Every thought in my head fled; there was utter and complete silence. For someone that has spent a lifetime over-thinking everything from her career to what to serve for dinner and especially relationships, that is the most special gift anyone could ever give me: peace. That is the intimacy of our bond.
And yes, as I had to tell my other vanilla friend, He is more than Dom enough to spank my ass too.