So yesterday’s Freaky Friday looked at the naughty side of menage, group sex and polyamory explored in the Erotic Collective’s new boxed set, The More The Merrier 2, out October 7th exclusive to Amazon. But Sensual Saturdays are different, they explore love and relationships. Is that REALly possible with polyamory?
This popular song from 1976 shows that it is not a new dilemma.
As we talked about on Thoughtful Thursday, polyamory is more the anthropological norm than monogamy. But is that just sex? Or can it truly be natural to LOVE more than one person? Any parent will tell you that…yes.
What is difficult is not loving two or more people, but making that love work. All relationships are hard. They take work…loads of it. But add in the complexities of being a sensitive, caring and attentive partner to not one person but more…and you have a shit load of work. Hell, let’s be honest…too many people can not do that for one person, let alone more.
Why then would people want to…besides the sex that is? That too is simple…because some times you need something that your partner simply cannot provide. Yes, maybe that is sex…I know all too well how damaging a marriage can be when libidos don’t match. It might be kink. More than one marriage has experienced bumps when one partner discovers his or her submissive or Dominant side and the other wants to continue their vanilla relationship. Or perhaps one of you simply needs more control than the other can give. Maybe it is someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on…most of us engage in this type of non-sexual polyamory.
But some times in those situations the best option is to openly and honestly talk about the option of polyamory. Especially if the relationship is sound and working for you both in other ways. This is especially when it should be considered. And even then…it is NOT about one of you failing the other…it is about expanding that loving circle to include others. But that takes a hell of a strong foundation to begin with. All too often and erroneously couples try poly as a last ditch attempt to avoid a divorce…which is like building upon quicksand.
For poly to work we need to listen to the wisdom of New Age guru, sex-pert and dying mom of my heroine in this story…Nothing Done In Love can ever be wrong. That is the key…done open, honestly and in love…putting the needs of your partners, all of them, upon equal if not greater footing than your own. And that like I said is hard. But that is why it is called poly – meaning many/more and AMORY – from amor meaning LOVE. True polyamory is about so much more than just the sex…it is about love and relationship…and hard work that can make it all better…for everyone.
It is possible…things have changed some in the forty years since that song…no longer do any of us need to feel the fool for loving both of you…and even though it is still breaking all the rules…maybe those rules too need to change. Once upon a time it was wrong for people of different races to love one another. Our modern world is still struggling to come to terms with the reality that gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals and transgenders have the right to love one another openly and honestly. Perhaps the new battle ground is polyamory…certainly that is the central theme of Nothing Done In Love…
The More The Merrier 2 out October 7th exclusive to Amazon by the Erotic Collective featuring stories by Tara Crescent, Livia Grant, Jennifer Bene, Anne A. Lois, Christine Hart, Livnah A. Eden and yours truly.