Thoughtful Thursday…

Chapter 1 of Ægir’s Wife caused quite a stir…as is Chapter 2. The rough and seemingly thoughtless way that Sven took Kirsty ass…not the first time the man has lost control around her…has a friendly debate going about non-consent and rape. To be perfectly clear…rape is an act of power and violence. It is NOT sex. It is NEVER EVER NEVER acceptable. But was this rape?

That is an incredibly tough question, because the final word on whether something is rough sex, reluctance, non-consent or rape is not society or the law…but the individual to whom it happened. It reminds me of characterization of pornography by Supreme Court justice Potter Stewart: “I know it when I see it” (Jacobellis v. Ohio, 1964).

But the human mind itself is rarely straight forward. In 1973, Nancy Friday came out with a controversial book called My Secret Garden. One of the reasons it was so controversial (in addition to recognizing that women enjoyed sex too) was the fact that it recognized that one of many women’s top fantasies is ‘rape.’ I willing admit to being one of those women. But we dare not, any more than she did, leave it there. Because the truth is that the fantasy is NOT about rape itself but rather about losing control…yours and his.

Honestly, my favorite word is TAKEN. I love when after knowing someone and consenting in the big picture…in the moment he loses control and takes what he wants. I like that for two reasons. First of all, there is something still hard-wired into our evolutionary primitive brain that is turned on by that cave-man, bad-boy shit. We like being chased after, clubbed over the head and let’s be honest…owned. And that leads into the second reason…because in that situation…WE are the powerful ones. He wants us so fucking much that he cannot control himself…it is rare to find a woman that does not want her man to feel that way about her. Goddess knows…I do.

So would I ever want to actually be raped? No, nor would any woman. But do I enjoy being taken? Do I like to even role-play it in the safety of loving and committed relationship? Hell, yeah.

Does Kirsty think it was rape though? Well, that one will be worked out over the course of this book. I will say that she has always had an intense connection to Sven…one that began even before that first…’taking’ on the boat. She, herself, continually shies away from that word and excuses what even I admit is questionable behavior. My problem with Sven is not what he does…but what he does not do…provide that balance….the loving after-care that would keep her from feeling used and dirty.

Is that answer going to piss people off? Hell, yeah. But as Nancy Friday discovered forty years ago, women’s fantasies can be as dark or darker than a man’s. And trust me that is still alive today. Don’t believe me? It is not just me that writes these ‘walk the line’ scenes. Type ‘taken’ into the Kindle Store…6,747 titles. Tell you something, folks?

RAPE is always wrong…no question about that. But losing control…yours or his…is just damned good sex.

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