Transparency…

I do not usually write poetry. For one simple reason…I suck at it. Unless I have spent hours reading Dr. Seuss I cannot rhyme for the life of me. And iambic pentameter? Forget that shit. I can barely say it. Let alone do it. No, only the occasional free verse shall pass my keyboard. But this is one that I wrote over two years ago…one that I am struggling to live out even as I preach it to others…and write it in my novels. It may be the biggest single challenge of life and love…

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If looking at our bodies is hard enough, then our examining our souls is like looking in a funhouse mirror...at a long twisting path that we do not even know where it ends. — If looking at our bodies is hard enough, then our examining our souls is like looking in a funhouse mirror…at a long twisting path that we do not even know where it ends.

I wear my heart on my sleeve
I always have
And I get hurt because of it
A lot.

I give and I give
And I give
Without asking for anything
Because it is who I am.

I want to please
No, I need to please
Others say it is wrong
But I do it anyway.

I read something today
about the difference between
Honesty and transparency
And I thought…that’s what I want.

I want to love
I want to give
I want to please
And I want it all with you.

I need to feel safe though
Too many hurts haunt my dreams
Too many rejections to count
And I’m not sure I could handle that with you.

How’s that for transparent?
It’s really scary
Laying it all out like that
Wondering…is it safe?

But that the difference between
Honesty that tells you only what you ask
And transparency that hides nothing from you
And above all that’s what I want…with you.

Maybe one day…even I will get there?