Following on to my post yesterday where I admitted how fucking much my upcoming birthday is eating my lunch…breakfast and dinner too.
I spent last night running in the park with PanKwake. Hell, looking around that park, only one other parent was as actively engaged with her child as I was. Just shy of my fiftieth birthday and I am running after kids between the ages of six and twelve with my arms splayed wide and giggling like a little girl. Honestly, I spend more time outside, running and playing in the sand with her than I did with all of my others combined…hell, more than I did as a child myself. I always had to be the ‘good girl,’ quiet and easy for everyone to love. Because of the autism, I give her…and ultimately myself…the freedom to be loud…to be free…to be a fucking kid.
And honestly, I am able to do all of that because I am an older mother. I no longer worry about what people say about me as a parent…even when they say it to my face, I just get right back in theirs. Even though I know that one of the reasons I am not and may never be in relationship again is because of the demands that she puts upon me, I can say with my whole heart that I would not have it any other way. She is worth ten times any man…especially the ones who cannot see that. She keeps me young.
Or at least part of it anyway…I do believe that sex too is a fountain of youth. And even though I have been in a bit of a desert for a while…I have other ways…there are always other ways, folks. You know the old saying… ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away.’ Fuck apples! Not all that feasible…but carrots, cucumbers, bananas… Oh, this blog is about getting older, not food play…back to the story. A Happy O a day keeps the doctor away…and depression, anxiety, stress…a lot of what ails us actually.
Yes, it would be a far site better if I was sharing that with someone, but one other thing that those years have taught me…not just anyone. Not anymore. But just because I am alone does not mean I am some celibate nun/none. Going back to those 7 Types of Female Orgasms…this girl makes sure that she has at least one almost every day. And you know what…it is the days when I don’t that are the problem.
Thing is…if it is easy to push away that special someone…’not tonight, I’m too tired,’ it is even easier to just forget it yourself. It takes effort sometimes…at least to get started with anyway. To take those few moments of ‘me’ time before I fall asleep. But trust me…you sleep so much better if you do, folks. And wake happier too. So even if you are alone…or might as well be (been there, done that, own that fucking t-shirt too folks)…take those few moments to push your own buttons. It won’t take that long after all you know them better than anyone else.
So…are there other things besides my beautiful daughter and Happy O’s that keep me looking, acting and feeling much younger than I am about to be… all of you. Writing… doing what you love is important too. And whether it be this blog, my books or playing tag in the park at dark, I love my life. Okay, not going to lie there are times I wish that there was someone to share it with…but I will take loving my life alone over hating it with just anyone…every single day of the week.
So two weeks…fourteen fucking days… I have faced bigger enemies than a number. I have beat depression. I have raised four amazing men and women…mostly on my own and working on the others. I have seen and done things that most people never will. And most importantly, I have and continue to learn from my mistakes…something that even fewer do. So bring it on…Big Five-0…cause I will kick your ass eventually too.
Petrine/Rachel and Olaf ain’t the only ones that are going to look good, feel strong and have good sex well into their sixties and seventies. I will too, goddess damn it, because the biggest enemy is never a number or anything else…the biggest obstacles are always the ones in your own fucking head. But the good news is that means you and you alone have the power to kick their ever-loving ass…
So tomorrow I start that…with a photographer friend of mine…and some erotic photographs (not porn…get your mind out of the gutter). Then I celebrate with friends and my girls…and end with a day out at the Alternative Market. It will be the first time in over a year since I walked away from the lifestyle, but I need some research for the story. Always a good excuse…
I ain’t dead yet, folks. Hell, I ain’t even old…just getting better and smarter. And I took a selfie of my ass the other night (do NOT ask), I stared at the damn thing for minutes thinking…’Damn, girl, your ass is still hot.’