The other day there was a long piece about service by one of the popular über Doms on Kinky & Popular (FetLife…that kinky BDSM where Kirsty met her guys). I liked it and even commented. But the truth is that this type of submission is mis-understood…and quite frankly makes men uncomfortable…even most Doms.
What is it anyway? Pretty much what it says…the NEED to express your submission by caring for someone, especially your Dom. It is about doing common every day things, not because you have to…BUT because you want/need to. Whether that be bringing you a cup of coffee in bed in the mornings…or making your favorite dinners…or ironing your shirts (you know I fucking love you if I iron)…or bathing you.
And for some of us, it is as much a part of our submissive nature as kneeling or saying ‘Sir.’ My older daughter absolutely detested the way that I would make my ex-husband’s plate and take it to the table for him every night. She used to say… “He’s a grown ass man, Mom. He can do it his own damned self.” You know something…I miss rushing around to get the house clean, dinner ready and serving his plate more than I miss the sex. Ironically, when that daughter was with her ex-boyfriend, she loved doing the exact same thing.
Sounds nice you say? But trust me, it pushes even Doms’ feminist buttons. In this day and age the only person completely comfortable with it is unfortunately misogynistic and domineering men…and those are NOT Doms, just wolves in sheep’s clothing. Hmmm…not right, Doms don’t like be called sweet and fluffy. But you get the meaning. Not a single one of the Doms I have been with understood, appreciated or cherished that part of my submission as it should be.
So here is a lesson for you, D-types out there…
1) Don’t expect it… Not all subs are service. But if you are a lucky enough bastard to end up with one of us…
2) Then ACCEPT that this is just part of who and what we are…you don’t have to do anything to fuckin’ deserve or earn it…
3) BUT do tell us that you appreciate the extras. The words…’Thank you’ and ‘Good girl’ are both appropriate and appreciated.
4) And never, ever, never make us feel guilty or demeaned for giving with our whole heart.
The saddest thing for me is that I even need to write this blog. That our world and our relationships have become so skewed that someone taking care of the person they love must be ‘explained’ away.
Oh, and as her guys keep showing Kirsty…serving is not just a sub thing. Doms can get into the act too. Nothing sexier than having your hair washed.
Of course, by now you all know that my standards are unbelievably high…but I always say that real love is two people trying to out give one another…and no one keeping score.