The last chapter of Ægir’s Bride is causing quite a controversy. Because I am slaughtering some sacred cows of Western civilization and BDSM. Three of them at once in fact: 1) Madonna/Whore Complex 2) Silver Sexuality and 3) SSC (Safe/Sane/Consensual).
So today we begin the series with that first one…Madonna/Whore Complex…
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My tagline as an author is… Writer, Madonna and More. It is an euphemism for the psychological term Madonna/Whore complex. First identified by Sigmund Freud, under the rubric of psychic impotence, this psychological complex is said to develop in men who see women as either saintly Madonnas or debased prostitutes. Men with this complex desire a sexual partner who has been degraded (the whore) while they cannot desire the respected partner (the Madonna). Freud wrote: “Where such men love they have no desire and where they desire they cannot love.” Clinical psychologist Uwe Hartmann, writing in 2009, stated that the complex “is still highly prevalent in today’s patients.” (Wiki)
While not as popular today in psychology circles as it was with Freud and Jung, it is nonetheless every bit as true. Wiki goes on to say: Naomi Wolf, author and feminist, considered that the sexual revolution had paradoxically intensified the importance of the virgin-whore split, leaving women to fend with the worst aspects of both images. Others consider that both men and women find integrating sensuality and an ideal femininity difficult to do within the same relationship.
It is also the reason that every relationship I have ever had failed. You see as Mommies go I am right up there with the best. I like to brag (don’t all Moms?) that I have raised four to adulthood without a single arrest record, unplanned pregnancy or major substance abuse issue. And I did most of that as a single mom. They all have jobs, go to school or serve their country with honor…a couple of them do more than one of those at a time too. And when we get together? We are loud. We fight. We eat. We laugh. But when you come up against one of us, you get my whole brood. Yes, we talk dirty too…unlike Petrine’s men/sons, all mine know the other side of Mommy.
And my little ones? I have given up my life for my nine year old autistic daughter…and I would a hundred times over. I home educate her because schools are not set up to protect high-functioning from bullying, to protect staff or other children from behavioral meltdowns, or to provide an environment where a child with sensory processing issues can concentrate. What is more, I get up early every morning to write and blog in the belief that one day, it will be enough to give us the life I want for her. I then stay up late caring for her. And because she is one of many on the spectrum with epilepsy and sleep disturbance, I am up every hour or two all night long to check on her. I have a life that has literally sent a US Marine running for cover…and that is saying something, folks.
I am also the kinkiest, dirtiest, nastiest slut you can imagine. I love kneeling and worshipping my man’s…. I love being tied up and… I adore and honestly crave pain. I won’t go into details of my personal conquests as I do not kiss and tell. I will say…with the exception of my incest, gay and transsexual stories…I do NOT write about anything that I have not personally experienced.
And I am all alone today. Because the truth is that the Madonna/Whore complex is very, very real. There are men who love me for the nurturing and caring wife and mother that I am. And there are men who adore my whore…and want to use her. But never have I found my fantasy man…curious?
We take the kids to the park on a Sunday afternoon. Since I am a damned good cook, we do the whole BBQ thing. He goes off to play ball with them or the swing…some Dad thing. There are moments I get tears in my eyes…and the smoke from the fire has little to do with it as he laughs and tickles them…or they tickle him.
I look away before my throat gets any tighter than it already is. I turn my attention to the food and do not even notice until he slips his arm around me from behind and draws me back into his embrace where I can feel his half hard cock against my ass. He bites down upon my ear and whispers, “Damn woman, I swear you get me hornier just standing there cooking and watching the kids than any Playboy centerfold ever could.”
And when the kids are in bed that is just what he does…ties my ass up and uses his dirty little whore. Then just as easily as I can, he switches back as he unties me, wraps me in his arms and loves me. For whom I am…all of me. That is a MAN! There ain’t nothing this girl would not do to keep that man. Too bad he only exists in my books…or has already been lassoed.
The thing is that it was not always like this. Before Christianity most Pagan religions worshipped the duality…mother, whore, crone, maiden, earth, and war. Pagan goddesses were ALL those things at once. Women could be as we are…all things to all people. It is our culture that has created this imaginary segregation of female sexuality. And for women like me, it is the most harmful thing out there.
And hopefully one day, if we as individuals begin to look at ourselves and how we view mothers…accepting them as goddesses, givers of life, nurturers, and dirty little sluts…then we as a society can move forward as well. Until then…I will keep challenging and writing about strong women and mothers, who can and do both equally well.
Forget…”Bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget the romance.” I prefer… “Make soccer practice by three, dinner on the table by five and suck your cock bone dry by eleven.”
Funny thing…a song that I have re-discovered…Never Been To Me by Charlene. The thing is that I am both…the singer and the woman she is talking too. I have been that ‘discontented mother and regimented wife.’ I have also ‘spent a lifetime exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free.’ Maybe…even I still have some work to do to integrate the two. It is for certain that Petrine/Rachel do.
Tara Cox - Literary Erotica 