Got your attention, did it? Well, as you may be learning by now, I am a completely straight shooting type. So be warned…anything you write in the comments section may end up on my blog. Such is the case today.
The other day Anonymous said…”her body’s responsiveness is a little hard to imagine.”
I laughed…honestly I did. And I thought…’poor you, you have never met a lover like me.’ And this is the rest of that story…
I did not loose my virginity until I was 19. I was a late bloomer, because in high school it was books, braces and acne. But all of that cleared up and I filled out. My first sexual experience was anti-climatic as I have been masturbating all my life and I remember laying there thinking…’what the fuck is the big deal with this?’ Then like Jill (The Arrangement), I met my David on a beach in Cancun, Mexico. And he taught me quite a few things…sex got to be a lot better.
But it was a porn movie that changed everything for me…and made me the woman and the lover that I am today. It was a few months after David, I was staying with friends in North Carolina. We went to a drive-in movie…unlike any I had ever seen. Insatiable with Marilyn Chambers. I stared transfixed at that huge screen as this woman orgasmed…and orgasmed…and ORGASMED.
I thought…no way, she is faking it. But when I looked closer all the bodily signs of an orgasm were there…red chest, neck and face, hard nipples, curled toes. And can that woman scream! By the end of that movie, I had decided that her orgasms were very much real and not faked. And I had decided…’that is what I want to be when I grow up.’ Not a porn star…porn writer maybe…but multi-orgasmic for certain.
I mentioned the other day that I hold a B.S. in Health with a specialty in sexual health. I went back to college late in life (30s after four of my kids). I will never forget my human sexuality class. They went through the whole sexual orgasm cycle from a scientific perspective, including the lie that there is no g-spot. At a very conservative Texas college, surrounded by fifty eighteen, nineteen and twenty year olds…guys as well as girls…I raised my hand and began to argue the instructor down. Yes, women in particular can be multi-orgasmic. Yes, there is a g-spot. What is more, your cervix does have enough nerve endings (or the right damned kind) to make you come from really deep penetration. The instructor ended up being more embarrassed than anything since for once someone forced her off the speech she had practiced and took her out of her comfort zone. Honestly, the woman had probably never had a single Happy O in her life so how was she to teach anything?
And that is the saddest part of all…there are more women like her in this world than there are like me. Which explains Anonymous’s comment. The reason is pure and simple…orgasms occur first between your ears…man or woman. And in order for all that physical stimulation to work, to do what it is supposed to, to have that Happy O…your ‘thinking’ brain has to release control to your ‘feeling’ one. For too many people that is a scary place to go…to actually loose control of your mind and body. Worse yet…to allow another person…a lover to have that kind of control and power over you. To see you at your absolute most vulnerable. The sad thing is that until they do…they will never know how good it can be, how absolutely worth it.
One thing I want to make clear before I tell you a funny story about Sven…it is NOT my lover’s responsibility to make me come. And not mine to make him (or her). As humans and lovers, we take way too much on us. We can only do the fun things that make an orgasm possible. But we cannot get inside that person’s head and make them loose control. Not even you Doms…though you certainly have skills beyond the norm…but if a sub/lover is not willing to allow you that control…you cannot force it.
That is sometimes the hardest part…feeling like you failed as a lover if they did not have an orgasm. But sex is like that onion too…it is multi-layered…and I have been told that you can enjoy it…even without an orgasm. Personally I would not know about that one. I have though had a Dom-lover with a health condition that prevented him from orgasming and he enjoyed it from the standpoint of just making me come, which as I said is such a fucking (pardon the pun) hard job.
So cute story now…
Sven: So have you counted how many orgasms?
Me: I can’t count that high. Can you?
We look at each other and laugh, then together we reply…. “ONE!!!”
So sorry Anon…they say that authors write about the things that they know…and that is most certainly true of me. I am sorry if you find my female characters ‘too responsive.’ I am even sorrier that you have never had a lover like me to see how things can be for yourself. If you are a female, then I beg of you give it a try…letting go of all that stuff in your head and just letting your body take control for a bit.
But I am afraid you will have to look elsewhere for stories of women, who struggle to orgasm, who get right to the edge but can never seem to leap off it, who enjoy sex just for the other stuff. That is not me…and I don’t believe in faking it. Or denying myself. As even Sven discovered…orgasm denial is a hard game to play with me…once you touch me…I am off to the races. As are my female characters…sorry, if that is just sooooooooooooooooo boring…
Tara Cox - Literary Erotica 
thank you for this i do feel weird sometimes that i´m loud and very responsive most people are surprised thank you for your stories and not making me feel alone
I’m anxiously awaiting the next chapter…soon? That comment from an anon is sad but I understand it. I was a much later bloomer than you & the experiences I did have were very limited & disappointing, and then I married a man who I truly think is a Puritan reincarnated…his feelings regarding sex as shameful unless it is just plain – for example, no oral…only sluts do that…kept me from ever feeling able to let go or feel emotionally safe (I wanted to give oral but when I got that response & also told that he wouldn’t ever want to “return the favor” because that would be gross…I pretty much felt anything else I fantasized about doing would be seen as ‘wrong’ too.) I still blame myself for not seeing this before marriage, accepting it so long, and not believing I deserved better. He wanted to wait until we were married – it seemed charming & old fashioned & “honorable” at the time…anyway, after 12 years of struggle, I gave up – not just because of bad sex, but he is an angry, immature person and I can’t take the negativity and hostility any more…he was not physically abusive, but emotionally, I’ve got scars. But, back to sex – I know it has to be different for some – I do not disbelieve someone who says it is different. I just envy them lol! You said “your ‘thinking’ brain has to release control to your ‘feeling’ one” — That is the reason Literotica exists – stories engage the mind & even cause a very physical response, I can imagine that a lover that engages the mind so well would cause quite a physical response. I know in masturbation how responsive I can be, so it is all “mental” – so if I can just figure out how to “let go” of that thinking brain when I’m with someone…I’m sure it would be quite amazing. I’ve known a Dominant man for six months now, we’ve met but mostly we communicate through writing – he has been incredibly patient & supportive & a guide for me as I go through this mess of divorce. We’ve formed a friendship with almost daily contact – neither of us want a committed long term relationship, I’ve hesitated taking it beyond friendship only because my ex has repeatedly threatened to take custody of our son, not that he would know how to raise him since he’s had very little interest in doing so up to now but he wants to punish me for leaving – believes I must be cheating on him (which I never have) because I could not leave him otherwise. So I’ve been very cautious with “moving on” too soon, but my Dom friend wants to show me sex can be different when I am ready. I’m almost there…but still have so many fears & worries – insecurities over my body, my ability to trust, what if there is just something wrong with me & it is not different this time either…all those things that dam up the ability to let go. Neither of us have any doubts as to my nature – definitely submissive, I crave someone taking control, and I get a lot of pleasure from serving and satisfying. Whenever I’ve told him my worries, he has calmly reassured me – but left the choice to proceed with me. He does not pressure or push – he has always maintained my respect – something that means a lot to me, I have to have respect & feel he has self control. One thing he wrote recently, when I’d told him my fears of disappointing – it keeps replaying in my head “I’d be in control… so you could not disappoint me.” That right there is how I know it will be different when I am ready to let go.