Guilty as Charged…

Yesterday, one of my readers commented, about how thankful she was that the chapters of Ӕgir’s Captive were flowing so quickly. She went on to comment about how disappointing it was to get addicted to a story then wait months or years…or never have it finished. Then this morning I received a comment on another story that is ‘on hold’ for the time being. And I thought…you are so guilty.

True, that as the full-time, single, home-school Mom of a bright and beautiful daughter with high-functioning autism and epilepsy, I have a better excuse than most. But still…

As a reader, I know just what they are saying. One of my favorite paranormal romance series remains unfinished, namely the one character that I love remains unmated. In that case, back the old days before e-publishing and writers had more choices, she sold the rights not only to a book, but the series…all of the characters…and even the alternate universe she had created. Thankfully, that does not happen so much anymore. But I truly do understand what my reader meant when she said…it is never as satisfying finishing it in your head. As I have done with Triad a hundred times or more.

I will be honest here (always)…being a writer reminds me of being the mother of six. There is just never enough of you to go around. Even now that all of my children except the youngest are grown, there are still moments when they need me and with their younger sister having autism and epilepsy there are just times when she needs me more. Times when I know that I am letting the others down, because she is screaming so loudly that I cannot be there for them right then. So too is it with my stories. Right now, I have Kirsty, Sven, Mikael, Bjorn, Petrine, Olaf and Monika (and a little spoiler I am not telling ya’ll about) screaming in my head…WRITE ME!

Of course, there are moments when the others need me too. When my son in China is not happy with his new job or my older daughter is down again because she broke up with her boyfriend. I know that they need me just as much. So I find away. I get PanKwake everything she could possibly want and then I Skype or call them. I am trying to do that with Night Walker’s Woman…with Rex, Jaycee and Angel. But half of the time, you end up feeling guilty…that you have not done them justice, that they deserve more.

Then there are the easy ones…my Mr. Stability son in the Navy, who only calls me once a month with good news like his new apartment or his engagement. But I remember that he is like that now because of all the times that I was there to listen when his job was not going well, when it seemed that he would never lose enough weight to get into the Navy. So it is with The Arrangement that is in final edits and only needs a cover before I can e-publish it into the big wide world as a ‘grown-up.’

But what of all my other babies…my other children…

One Night Stand

Small Town Secrets

Fall of Man

…and way too many others.

It boggles my mind to think of the polyandry that Kirsty…and Petrine…make work. Loving three men…four? How do they manage it? Giving to each what they need? Maybe I need to ask Petrine how she managed that for forty years? Think we should invite her over for a chat sometime?

Even though I know that I am an exceptional Mom, it just never seems there is enough of me to go around. And even though I am a prolific writer (3,000 words per day average), there never seems to be enough hours in the day or days in the weeks…or years in my life to do them all justice. Does anyone have an extra hour in the day? An eighth day of the week? A thirteenth month in the year just lying around for me? Pretty please?

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